The Puzzle of Me

May 23, 2021

Good morning friends.  I hope you are all doing well, staying healthy and happy.  I consider myself a good man.  I can’t say I’ve always thought that, but age, experience and maturity brought clarity.  I began as a shy kid.  I definitely wasn’t “outgoing.”  Mom was strict and controlling.  The latitude my sister and I shared came when our Dad intervened.  When my sister went away to college, that gave me the courage to begin to open myself to the world.  Dad always offered great advice and encouragement.  I enjoyed accompanying him on side jobs; typically, on the weekends.  His wisdom, demeanor and integrity influenced me during my transition from kid, to teen to adult.  When I went away to college, my life immediately changed and expanded.  I had the ability to control my own life.  It was amazing; a bit scary at times, but an awesome feat.  College, career and life provided the confidence and motivation to succeed.  I blossomed into me. 

After college I enjoyed a brief career with the US Forest Service.  Being a firefighter on Hot Shot crew was an amazing and intense adrenaline rush.  It built strength and established additional self-confidence in myself and my abilities.  I learned the real meaning of team work and camaraderie.   My long and stellar career in law enforcement was even more crazy, wild, sad and fulfilling.  I know I made a difference in the lives of people I interacted with along that path.  Kindness, understanding and spending a little extra time to show you care, goes a long way in assisting someone who may be struggling.  The harshness, trauma, and sometimes horrors of the job took their toll on me.  I relied on a strong will, determination, discipline and a high tolerance to pain.  The process of protecting myself, closed me off from the world.  I doubt I fully understood the impact, or my metamorphous, until I experienced EMDR therapy (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing) after I retired.  I knew my mental suffering and pain were real.  I believed I was coping (as most police officers do).  The grizzly and horrific nightmares were a by-product of the job.  They grew with frequency and intensity as the years passed.  The emotional pain further closed my heart to opening or allowing anyone inside.  These issues plagued my relationships, damaging or severing them completely.  I knew I needed help to find myself again. 


EMDR therapy and counseling, helped me regain the real me.  Gratitude and a positive mental attitude set me on my path for each new day.  I’m in charge of my happiness.  I continue to be a “work in progress,” as many of us are.  Positivity is my ally.  I allow God and the universe to guide me along my journey.  I strive for self-improvement and self-care.  In the past I placed undue burdens upon myself.  I was more concerned about pleasing the people around me, rather than pleasing myself.  I learned it’s better be happy with who I am, than to worry about what others think.  My contentment allows me to open my heart and soul to life and love.  When you truly let go and open yourself to the possibilities, that’s when real self-discovery takes place.

Circumstances of the past no longer manipulate or control how I react, what I think or how I make my decisions.  I remain focused on my attitude, positivity and happiness.  We waste so much of our time on issues beyond your control.  The fear associated with many situations, especially in today’s world, create additional negativity, anxiety and stress.  Move yourself beyond those events.  Rid your mind of fear and the useless negative chatter.  Focus on yourself, including self-care and being happy.  As I continue my healing, I learn more about myself and who I am.  Life is like a puzzle, in some respects.  I often attempted to arrange all pieces so they fit together perfectly, (or so I thought).  The problem is, life isn’t perfect.  There is no perfect path, house, car, relationship or life.  We all have various imperfections and issues from our past that plague our vision of the present.  My issues were deeply embedded in my mind from the control, trauma and pain experienced from childhood through my career.  It wasn’t until I began to free myself, and my mind, that I was able to open my heart, mind and soul to the possibilities.  I’m grateful I met an amazing woman who showed me healing and true love were possible.  Her support and love provided a much needed boost of energy.  I am forever grateful for her love and support.  Her guidance pushed me to reach out and save myself.  Nothing will ever change until you make the decision to get healthy.  

My life puzzle continued with relationships.  I learned that what others say or do often has nothing to do with me.  Their past experiences or fears may influence their responses or decisions.  I don’t have control over any of that.  The best I can do is just be myself.  An amazing relationship requires balance.  Perfection isn’t the goal.  Happiness, understanding, support, trust, adventures and love should be what you strive for daily.   Two individuals share a unique connection, that make them a perfect couple.  I imagine two beautiful dancers moving together in synchronicity as one.  If a miss step is experienced, it isn’t the end of the world.  It’s an opportunity to learn and grow as a couple.  I visualize a fabulous relationship similar to the pairing of two magnificent grapes into an exquisite blend of wine.  One strong and confident, while the other is beautiful and bold.  It may not be the perfect blend for everyone, but perfection isn’t the goal.  Happiness, support, adventures and working together create love and passion.

When two people join together, each share unique experiences of life and love.  They unite to create a joined path for the future.  Each retain their own ideas and goals, while building new goals together.  Sharing their connection is part of the adventure.  Love isn’t about fitting puzzle pieces exactly together on a flat board.  Unlike a puzzle, life is full of contours, ups, downs, twists, turns, emotions, passions and possibilities.  Life doesn’t fit flatly together in any specific way or form.  It can be static, spontaneous and full of incredible experiences.  Life isn’t complicated, humans make it that way.  Sure, it has bumps, bruises, pain, stress and sadness.  It’s also filled with magnificent splendor and creativity.  Instead of carrying your past with you,  leave it behind, where is belongs.  If we keep it in the present it spells trouble.  Those issues have the ability to consume you, eroding your energy, destroying relationships and creating more damage for your future.  Love is about “dancing” through life together, through the hills and valleys, and always sharing the good parts hand in hand.  Be open, share your vision and allow love to flourish throughout life.  It doesn’t matter what path you’re on, as long as you stay connected.  You have to believe in the power of love.

Speaking from experience, there have been times when I’ve created my own disasters and heartbreak.  When you hurt others because your ego, stubbornness or lack of courage, blocks your path, it’s your responsibility to repair the damage and make amends.  It’s never too late to say, “I’m sorry” or “I love you.”  Admitting you’re human and imperfect is a step toward improving yourself.  When you can vocalize your errors and learn from them; that’s where hope, faith and courage are your reward.  We all make mistakes at various times in life.  Knowledge and goodness come when we learn, grow and move past them into the present.  Our soul will heal and we become better humans.  Each sunrise provides boundless opportunities to shine and live a new day in happiness.  The possibilities are endless.  Our only limitations come from fear created in our own mind.

If you want to attain true happiness and love, it’s time to change your mental outlook.  Drop the ego, quite being stubborn, stop closing yourself off and don’t run away.  Life is ours to enjoy.  It happens when we allow ourselves the opportunity.  We typically hold ourselves back, due to indecision or fear.  I no longer allow my attitude and ego get in my way.  Be willing to take a chance and reach for my dreams.  That’s the only way you make them come true.  I’ve lost love in the past.  It hurts, making my heart and soul ache from the pain.  It doesn’t mean I’m finished or never trying again.  It means the exact opposite.  I want that amazing and incredible feeling again.  Life has bumps, disagreements and unexpected occurrences.  The puzzle begins when we interject our past emotions, feelings, perceptions and ego into the mix.  This is where our issues, concerns, angers, fears and desperation are created.  Life is easy if we allow it.  How often do we actually do that?  Instead we become upset, frustrated, angered, stressed and close down our interactions because we chose to, not because the event or situation dictated that course of action.     

I planned what I thought would be a fun and special date last night.  It was an outdoor play at a local historic home.  Needless to say it didn’t even come close to being special.  It felt more like an evening at the haunted mansion with carnival workers.  I was frustrated because I set an expectation of grandeur.  I wanted it to be an incredible evening for a woman who means the  world to me.  I knew it was time to go after the first acts were less than stellar,.  She graciously agreed, as we laughed on our walk out.  The parking lot attendant asked if the show was over, and we laughed more.  She suggested pizza; that and laughter cures all dreadful situations.  The moral of the story; it’s not always the event that brings the most joy.  It’s the bond formed during the difficult times that connects two people.       


Life is filled with incredible, amazing and fabulous experiences and adventures.  Open yourself to the possibilities and allow the universe to guide you.  A relationship filled with love is an incredible and powerful force of energy.  It’s an amazing influence on your life.  If you’ve experienced this emotion, you can understand my thoughts.  This wonderful and blissful state only begins with self-love.  How can you love another if you do not love yourself?  Open your heart, mind and body fully and let the passion embrace your soul.  Feel the vibrant rush of this magical delight whisk you away.  There is nothing that comes close to the empowerment love brings between two people.  The opportunity is a life changing phenomenon.  Once you experience it, you’ll only crave more.  You won’t want to let go.  Stop being a puzzle.  Just be yourself, that’s the best you can do.  Follow your dreams.  They know the way.  Gratitude, Happiness, Kindness and Positivity are my daily choices.  It’s the best me yet! 

I want to wish a very special woman a very Happy Birthday!  She’s a rock star in countless ways!  May your 52nd year be the best and most fabulous year yet, with many more to come!!  I wish you all the love and happiness the universe has to offer!  Thank you for your continued support, friendship and love! Cheers to you!

Please tune in and join me again next Sunday for more!  The healthy life puzzle is always in rotation.  Let’s be healthy and strong mentally, physically and spiritually!

Thanks for your love and support!  Embrace Life!  Be sure to get outside and enjoy nature!

Published by lapd22695

My goal is to be a better me. I want people to be more aware about mental and physical health. We are all humans living on this planet. Let's enjoy our lives, happy and healthy. It's okay to smile and help others along the way.

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