Opening Up

March 20, 2022

Good morning, happy Sunday and happy first day of Spring.  I hope you’re doing well.  Stay healthy, happy and grateful every day.  Life is truly a gift to be cherished with each new sunrise.  I was touched by Ukrainian President Zelensky’s speech and saddened by the video he shared with Congress on Wednesday morning.  The war Russia is waging on this nation is senseless, tragic and horrific.  Events in life, like this, leave me baffled by the brutality in our world.  I consider myself very fortunate to live in a free country.  America isn’t perfect, but we are blessed with many luxuries, easily within our grasp.  Freedom and independence are amazing rights we share in our beautiful nation.  Don’t allow your thoughts to be influenced or manipulated by negativity or the evil agenda of others.  Individuals use fear and division to subdue and control the population.  Do not fall prey to these predators.  Never doubt how blessed you are to live in the USA.  There are other free nations around the globe, but none like America.  Living in peace and freedom is a wonderful place to be.  Wherever you reside, you are responsible for maintaining your own happiness.  It doesn’t come from money, possessions or other people.  It all begins within you.  Control your thoughts and actions to do good.  Focus on the positive things in life and allow them to unfold every day.  When you change your thoughts, you can change the world.  

I met someone new two months ago.  I found her though a yoga friend.  We initially met online; then met in person.  Meeting new people via the internet isn’t my first choice, but it definitely offers a unique perspective.  She’s been listening to me talk and slowly open up about my life.  I’m learning more about myself as I traverse this new territory.  I’m enjoying her feedback, which spurns new motivation within me.  Her responses to my issues and the questions she asks are intelligent and insightful.  She’s shed new information and ideas for me to further develop my ability to move forward.  It was my decision to meet, because I needed to release my past.  I don’t want to go backward, as living in the present is the best place to be.  I no longer wish to live in fear or silence.  I never thought I’d be talking to a counselor, or spilling my ‘guts’ to anyone; like I am for a second time.  I sought professional assistance nearly four years ago.  I knew I needed someone to assist, or guide, me to a better place.  It’s difficult to believe it has been that long since my first visit and introduction to EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing) therapy.  I was nervous, hesitant and skeptical what counseling may accomplish.  Needless to say, I was surprised and thrilled with the results.  My first therapist was also a woman, who I found online through recommendations from my police union.  I had no idea what to expect; yet while it was difficult at times, it proved to be, both sobering and enlightening.  The process opened my mind, cleared away the negativity from my brain and created a new pathway for me to follow.  The journey hasn’t always been easy, but each new destination provides clarity and peace. 

EMDR therapy had a significant impact on my life and provided a new outlook for a brighter future.  I learned how it’s utilized to assist trauma victims or individuals suffering from PTSD (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder).  The experience literally changed my mindset and life.  I had no idea how counseling, combined with this therapy, would help me heal.  I desperately wanted to share my experience, so others may benefit.  A friend urged me to write about my experiences.  My writings were transformed into my Sunday blogs and eventually an article that was published in the FBI News Bulletin.  I wanted everyone (law enforcement officers, first responders or any victims of trauma) to know help and assistance is available to relive painful events buried deep inside our mind and body.  I suffered guilt and trauma from work related incidents experienced over many years.  The nightmares, that raged within me nightly, were violent battles of life and death.  My girlfriend immediately recognized my trauma.  She encouraged me to seek assistance.  It wasn’t until after we broke up that I realized I couldn’t resolve these struggles on my own.  There are times in life you have to hit the bottom before you realize you need help.  I thought I could deal with anything.  I was a man, cop, strong, tough and driven.  Unfortunately, none of those traits would help me through this fight on my own.  Sitting alone with my thoughts, I knew I needed help.  The assistance and clarity I received placed me on a new journey.     

I never imagined I’d seek assistance from a therapist.  When I became brave enough to admit I needed guidance to save myself and love, I didn’t hesitate to reach out.  The world isn’t a perfect place, and neither are the humans living here.  I’ve done my share of attempting to manipulate my life and relationships into perfect situations.  That never succeeds, as life is messy and perfection just isn’t possible.  Moving away from California, several months ago, provided more time to reflect on my past.  I sought the aid of a new professional; to talk with to resolve issues or concerns.  This follow up had nothing to do with feeling bad or needing help.  It centered more on wanting additional clarity to who I am, why I do what I do in relationships and never wanting to lose another love.  I’ve discovered, discussing issues with an uninvolved third party can be a useful tool.  I’m not talking about telling your problems to just anyone; but someone who actually has specific training and experience in assisting others.  It’s been an interesting and enlightening process discovering how my childhood molded (and sometimes controlled) my adulthood.  These discoveries and reflections into my past, now assist me in building a bright new present and future. 

My new found therapist has proven to be a fabulous blessing.  Her insight and use of EMDR therapy has opened new revelations within me.  Understanding why or what influenced my behavior, reactions and lack of meaningful communication, especially in relationship situations has brought incredible clarity to my soul.  I’m extremely hopeful and optimistic, the obstacles from my past are being processed and resolved for good.  She’s confident the hurdles of my past; concerning fear, self-doubt or abandonment will no longer plague my present .  She believes in the therapy methods she utilizes.  I feel more confident in myself and continue to open my heart and soul each day.  The EMDR sessions I experienced are incredible.  Living life, with or without dragging the past with you, has the ability to create a vast array of complexities that we (as individuals or in relationships) deal with daily.  Life isn’t always easy or simple.  It’s messy and real.  For a segment of individuals across the planet, these issues can seem to be insurmountable.  We all struggle with circumstances, events and situations over the course of our life.  How we handle, resolve or deal with each of these can be based on our past.  The tragedy, is when we allow our past to influence the present.  Often times, our brain acts without our knowledge or approval.  Don’t live in fear or isolation; held hostage by your past.   Let go of the past and live in the here and now.  

The use of therapy, shadow work and much self-introspection, has helped guide me to recognize my past and how it’s hindered my life.  I’ve processed it, understand it and am leaving the past where it belongs; in the past.  Now I’m free to move forward into a brighter and happier future.  I can live in the present, not held back or incumbered by events that occurred years ago.  I can share my thoughts, heart and soul without fear.  My personal attitude, outlook, positivity, happiness and self-love all play a significant role in my mental, physical and spiritual health.  I begin each day with gratitude, focusing my attention on living in the present and a life filled with bliss.  Don’t allow your past to influence your behavior, decisions or relationships.  Live in the present and thrive.  You’re the only one responsible for what you think, say or do.  Change your thoughts and attitude, and change your life.  It’s time to live in happiness and love life. Follow your dreams.  They know the way.

Please tune in and join me again next Sunday for more!  The puzzle of life is always changing.  Change can lead to amazing opportunities.  Together let’s be healthy and strong mentally, physically and spiritually! 

Thanks for your love and support!  Embrace Life!  Be sure to get outside and enjoy nature!