Did I pass the test?

September 25, 2022

Good morning my friends.  I hope you are doing well and enjoying life.  In five days, we’ll close out the month of September.  It’s crazy thinking we’re about to start the last quarter of 2022!  This means Halloween, Thanksgiving and the Holidays will be coming quickly; as the remainder of the year slips away.  My repeated attempts to slow time bring me peace of mind, while I enjoy the gift of life.  The days, weeks and months continue to pass by, sometimes faster than I like.  This is why slowing down, to enjoy each moment, becomes a priority.  As I look back on this year, I ask myself, “What did I accomplish?”  Did I succeed in achieving my goals or dreams?  What did I learn that was new, helpful or rewarding?  What did I do to assist mankind (or anyone for that matter)?  I moved out of California one year ago yesterday.  I’m still trying to decide if I made the right choice.  In many ways, I’m happy to be away from the traffic, congestion, chaos, high cost of everything, taxes, crime and politics.  I left loved ones, family and friends behind, when I moved.  I miss the people I love most of all!  I was born and raised in the suburbs of Los Angeles.  It was a simpler time; people were friendly, respectful and grateful.  Now, the city of angels, along with San Francisco (and other beautiful places in my home state) are tarnished and tattered.  It makes me sad knowing what corruption, bad politics and egotistical politicians have done to this once glamorous and beautiful state.  

We all know life can be filled with struggles, ups, downs and challenges.  The issues we confront come in many forms, and can cover a wide spectrum of situations.  Events and circumstances that impact our lives and well-being can be frustrating, stressful and painful.  We deal with so many issues on a daily basis, that they often become routine; until we face a challenge that is paralyzing; leaving us helpless or in agony.  Every issue, big or small, takes time and effort to resolve.  Specific events, that are personal to us, can cause or create debilitating effects.  Health and wellness (mental, physical and spiritual), or events that involve family, relationships, friends, career or death; can create trauma within us. There are times our mind is our worst enemy.  It works against us by filling our thoughts with untruths and nonsense.  If we allow our mind to take control, an overwhelming negative feeling can be created within us.  Our perception and attitude can create added anxiety or stress; sinking us deeper into the abyss of darkness.  The human mind is a powerful source of influence.  If we do not control our thoughts, we can cause ourselves unintentional harm; which leads to hurting others.  I’ve been involved in variety of situations, circumstances, confrontations, events and relationships that have often leave me searching for answers.  When all is said and done, but my mind is still spinning from a particular encounter; I wonder, “why?”  I think to myself, “Did I handle this correctly?  What could I have done to resolve this in a more positive way?  Was this some sort of test”, and if it was a test, “Did I pass?”  

How many times have I walked away from someone or something wondering, “What lesson was intended for me, or what did I learn?”  Have you ever had similar thoughts or questioned the outcome of events?  Is life about “passing the test?”  We (me) all make mistakes from time to time.  Some are minor in nature, while others can seem large and looming over us for an extended period.  I’ve experienced both.  The worst case scenario for me, is when my decision or choice impacts another person negatively.  I’d never intentionally hurt anyone, but I know some of my “mistakes” have created heartache and sadness.  I can’t change the past, take away the pain or frustration.  Knowing I’m causing you pain, hurts me too.  The best thing I can do, here in the present, is change myself.  I can alter my attitude, my perspective and control my thoughts.  It took me years to realize I couldn’t accomplish this on my own.  I know, from my own experience, men (in particular) have difficulty showing emotions, sadness, vulnerability, talking about feelings or asking for support or help.  The thought of going to counseling, is often equated with weakness.  I discovered, opening myself up to change and the possibilities in the universe, reveal a bright and beautiful world in my future.  Therapy helped crack through my protective armor.  Professional guidance assisted me in making positive changes.  Each time I change, I grow and alter my past behavior.  I’ve learned how to be a better human, and for that opportunity I am truly grateful.

Much of what has happened over the last several years has increased my self-awareness.  I’ve learned it’s best to take the time to digest and evaluate critical issues.  No one wants to get hurt or suffer a broken heart, but opening your heart and soul to love and life is part of being human.  Be truthful and honest; with yourself and others.  Understanding and clarity, are always important for our well-being.  Good health / diet, exercise and nature continue to be my pillars of support; along with some amazing individuals.  Meditation is a valuable source of solace and clarity.  When turmoil and strife occur, be prepared to handle the oncoming blitz.  Don’t react with disregard.  Take the time to respond gracefully, with openness and respect.  Don’t be fearful to share your feelings and emotions.  Now, more than ever, it’s in my best interest to know myself.  My journey has taken me down a new path.  I’ve taken the time to learn about me, resolve the issues associated with past life critical events and relationships, that I consider to be defining moments.  This year has focused on my self-discovery and learning how to be the best possible version of me.  Digging into my past and trauma has yielded enlightening revelations into who I was then and who I am today.  It seems to be a bit easier, at this stage in life, to self-analyze myself.  Counseling assists me to recognize my past, see the present and set me on a new journey.  Now I understand the significant lessons that I learned and how they help me become me.  The opportunity to change and alter my life for the better was accepted with thanks.  I believe personal happiness and gratitude are key components to life’s puzzle.  

It took me far too long to realize what I needed to do, and take the first step to get me here today.  The test has been long and arduous.  The journey has taught me much.  The path assisted me to heal mentally and spiritually.  I discovered the simple answer to my question, “Did I pass the test?  No, life isn’t about passing tests.”  We all struggle at various times in life.  What’s important, is how we resolve these issues.  Life is an evolution, in various ways, for each of us.  We have choices to make along our journey of life.  What path we select weighs significantly on which direction we go and how difficult that road may be.  My education, knowledge and experience are intrgral factors into my ability to make informed choices and decisions.  Being open and willing to change is a powerful tool throughout life.  The better I know myself, and the world around me, the better equipped I am to be wiser, healthier and happier.  I may not always understand the universe, but I no longer question if I passed the test.  I focus on what I learned to be a better human right now in the present.  I learn more with each new sunrise and continue into a brighter future.  I’m grateful for each new opportunity to be a better me.  I am energized and empowered to be the man I want to be; here in the present and into my future.  The power of positivity and love remain strong and committed along my path.  Open your heart and soul to love.  Follow your dreams.  They know the way.

Two dates, this coming week, hold significance and special meaning for me.  The first is my daughter’s birthday.  It’s both exciting and interesting thinking how old I’m getting!   With each of her birthdays, it means her Dad is another year older.  I know another birthday is just a number (for both of us), but I like her numbers much more than mine.  Happy Birthday to my Amazing, Beautiful, Intelligent and Awesome daughter!  I have another one of those things coming soon too.  I’m not complaining, because I’m grateful for life and enjoying each day on earth.  

The other special date, is the seventh anniversary of meeting an incredible and amazing woman.   Our connection and love have been undeniable.  When I look back on our relationship, I wonder what drew us together and how we sustained our connection and love; and then didn’t.  It’s sad and heartbreaking when you lose a love; especially when it’s a bond shared by two.  I remain forever grateful for our friendship.  You saved me.

Please tune in and join me again next Sunday for more!  The puzzle of life is always changing.  Change can lead to amazing opportunities.  Together, let’s be healthy and strong; mentally, physically and spiritually! 

Thanks for your love and support!  Embrace Life!  Be sure to get outside and enjoy nature!