My Strength

January 23, 2022

Good morning my friends.  I hope you’re doing well; staying happy and healthy.  Life can change in an instant.  Don’t delay living a happy and abundant life.  Break free from your doubts and fears.  Happiness and love are yours to enjoy.  We are all born with free will and the power to make decisions.  I realize for some individuals; the peace and freedom we each seek in life comes with more difficulties.  Don’t allow anxiety, fear or self-confidence issues deter your ability to move forward.  We are often our own largest obstacle when it comes to achieving what we desire.  Our inner thoughts have the ability to block our path or restrict forward progress.  If you experience difficulty moving toward your dreams, goals or to just getting out of the house, do not fear.  If you believe you’re not at your optimum level of mental or physical health or need help to increase your inner fortitude; you are not alone.  Inspiration, guidance and support can come from a variety of sources.  These can include family, friends, work associates, professional sources and more.  If you know someone who is struggling, don’t hesitate reach out to them.  Be willing to assist so we all may reach a safe pathway to success.  Utilize kindness, empathy and humility to achieve these interventions.  Helping others is always the right thing to do.  You never know when circumstances may change and you need similar assistance.  Change is a constant in life.  It has the ability to alter our course in a heartbeat.  I’ve experienced dark places during my life.  It’s easy to feel overwhelmed, physically and mentally, by the chaos and stresses of living.  Don’t be deterred by fear.  Together we can rise from the depths and accomplish amazing things.

When my daughter was two years old, I fell from the roof of our home.  Just before the ladder slipped out from under me, my daughter yelled, “Hi Daddy” and waved.  I turned to wave to her as I was stepping onto the roof.  I fell backward, landing on a concrete paver.  I broke two ribs, fractured my shoulder and skull.  The impact knocked me unconscious.  The blunt force to the left side of my head caused a traumatic brain injury (with blood clot in my brain).  During my recovery the neurosurgeon told me that I was lucky to be alive.  He said if I had hit the concrete with the back of my head, it’s possible I wouldn’t have survived.  In essence, when my daughter called and waved, causing me to turn and look at her, saved my life.  It took months for me to return to my previous fitness level, both physically and mentally.  My recovery, getting back to work or just enjoying life were a tedious process.  Regaining my physical strength was much easier than rebuilding myself mentally.  Determination, discipline and tenacity were the strengths that assisted me throughout the process.  My intention was to be stronger and better.  I worked to ensure I’d be healthy for my daughter and family for years to come.  These goals still hold true today. 

Several years after healing, I promoted to the rank of sergeant.  Late one Saturday night, just before Christmas, I was driving to the station to end my shift.  A radio call was broadcast of a vehicle collision not far from the police station.  I immediately responded to the scene.  I saw two badly damaged cars at opposite ends of the intersection.  Paramedics were administering aid to a young female driver, who had been extricated from her car.  They placed her on a gurney and moved her to the ambulance.  I stood alone looking into her vehicle.  I illuminated the interior of the car with my flashlight.  I noticed a small foot protruding from an upside down car seat on the rear floor.  I called to one of my officers, as I smashed through the rear window and climbed into the car.  I discovered a little girl, maybe two years old, lying face down, covered by the car seat.  I gently lifted her and handed her to an officer.  She didn’t want to let go and immediately reached for me when I climbed out.  I held the unharmed child for what seemed like an eternity.  The little girl called for her “mommy,” not knowing where she was.  I walked toward the ambulance, as one of the medics looked at me and shook his head no.  The woman died, despite of their life saving efforts.  The sad realization struck me, the child I was holding would never see her mother again.  All I could think about was my own daughter; how precious life is and how quickly it can change.  I cried on my drive home that night, knowing I couldn’t cry on the “job.” 

Emotions I experienced at work, even when felt deeply, never fit into resolving crisis, life or death situations.  My emotional reactions, if they were released at all, occurred later after work; either alone or drowned with alcohol.  Typically, I suppressed and tucked away all those feelings.  Traumatic incidents experienced during my career, along with others in life, were buried and hidden deep inside my soul.  Over the course of time, I stopped counting the number of ugly horrific incidents I experienced or witnessed.  The carnage of torture, abuse, and death remained within me untouched, yet alive and unresolved, for years.  I recently read a quote by Emery Lord.  “My dark days made me strong.  Or maybe I already was strong and they made me prove it.”  Reading these two powerful sentences ignited a flurry of thoughts about my own personal struggles and strengths during my darkest days.  Beginning at an early age, I never considered myself strong, physically or mentally.  I’m sure being sheltered by an overprotective mom didn’t help.  Luckily, my dad was a man of strength, courage and mental fortitude.  During my life, my father taught and showed me what being a man encapsulated.  I learned and grew from my experiences.  Decisions, I made for myself (good or not), taught me more about my power and strengthens.  When I became a police officer, I realized my abilities, physically and mentally, ran much deeper than I ever imagined.   During my nearly 34-year career I learned strength isn’t always about physical ability.  Our inner powers help keep us balanced.  Motivation, determination, empathy, kindness and other traits, assist to maintain our mental strength.  These qualities contain the vibrant energy of life within each of us.  The mind, heart and soul often convey our greatest strengths. 

Years of trauma; perceived, witnessed and experienced; did more harm while buried within.  The negativity was unknowingly spinning its evil like a plague.  Closing my heart for protection wasn’t the answer.  Nightmares were defeating me and tearing me apart.  After I retired I met someone who forced me to take a hard look at myself.  Her love and support pushed me far beyond my “comfort zone” and to the literal “edge of the envelope.”  All my strengths were no match for the trauma within me.  I was unable to open my heart and mind to release the pain.  The fear of failure consumed me.  Expert assistance and counseling was needed to resolve my inner demons and fears.  Recovering from my physical injuries (of which I’ve had a few) was much easier to accomplish than healing my mental trauma.  We all face struggles during life that can cause trauma and pain.  There are times when we don’t have the power to heal ourselves.  Don’t be afraid to reach out or seek help from others.  Trust the people who love you.  Trust yourself, God and the universe.  Sometimes hitting the bottom is needed so we can rise.  Don’t be afraid to face your inner fears. They can be resolved.  When I began facing my fears, I recognized the amazing and beautiful life I was missing.  Believe in your strengths and let them carry you to happiness and love today.  Tomorrow is never guaranteed. 

Positivity and fortitude are among my strengths.  I share my thoughts, stories and life with you, via my blogs, because I care.  I know I can’t control what you think, how you react, what you say or what you do.  I realize it’s not up to me to make you happy or feel worthy.  We’re each blessed with free will.  You’re responsible for maintaining you.  My intention, as it was throughout my career, is to share my thoughts, to make life a little easier to navigate.  Life is never perfect.  We all face challenges of various degrees.  If I can use my strength to assist you along the path of life, then I’ve succeeded.  Don’t ever give up or give in.  Your strength and resilience are more powerful than you realize.  Happiness is like a super power.  When you maintain your inner happiness, gratitude follows.  When you change your attitude, life changes and your power influences others.  It’s time to stop focusing on what you perceive as being “wrong” with your life.  Concentrate your energy on what you have and taking your life to where you want to be in the future.  I begin each morning with a grateful heart.  I thank God I’m here for another day of life; filled with opportunities for success.  My happiness begins with each new sunrise.  Perception plays a huge role in our thoughts, how we act, what we do and say.  Bring your perception and thoughts into your control.  The more you focus on your blessings, the less you will complain about your misguided thoughts.  Love your life and it will love you back.  Follow your dreams.  They know the way.

Please tune in and join me again next Sunday for more!  The puzzle of life is always changing.  Change can lead to amazing opportunities.  Together let’s be healthy and strong mentally, physically and spiritually!

Thanks for your love and support!  Embrace Life!  Be sure to get outside and enjoy nature!